Don't Take This Guy to the Movies

On Fridays, I normally try to find a serious article, but this one caught my eye. According to Rosecrans Baldwin, the only thing worse than a bad movie itself is the popcorn that people normally get with it. In his article Popcorn: Cinema's Worst Enemy in Slate Magazine, he writes about how much he despises popcorn. Is this article really news worthy? Probably not but it still gives the reader a few laughs. He even goes as far as saying that popcorn is worse than catfish and chitterlings. He is probably the only person I have heard of that hates popcorn with a passion. The fact that he hates popcorn so much is funny but the way he describes this so-called awful snack is even more hilarious. He writes, "People say popcorn is delicious, low-calorie, and fun to chew—no, I'm joking. Anyone who would defend popcorn would also, I'm sure, sell his children for spare parts. I'm routinely surprised to see people eating popcorn—those slimy Styrofoam berries, those dehydrated sea sponges. And it's never dainty picking, the consumption of popcorn. It's gorging. It's glutton-eering. It's the cramming of greasy, tasteless florets in Natural Flavoring down the esophagus is what it is." This man has absolutely no soft spot for the snack that is common for any movie watcher. He even says that popcorn is worse than cell phones and cigarettes. According to his article, cigarettes made be bad but at least, "smoking is silent." I guess he really cannot stand the sound of people smacking and munching next to him in a movie theater. My favorite quote of all was, "I'm just a lone voice, crying in a field of exploding cobs," describing himself as one of the few that hates popcorn. Despite his paragraphs about his hatred of popcorn, he starts writing about how much his friend hates Belgium, which obviously has nothing to do with popcorn. After writing about Belgium, he returns to his popcorn story and writes about his quest to accept the snack. After his attempts of trying store bought popcorn, he returns to his original conclusion that popcorn is the devil. His advice: nachos. After reading the entire article, I noticed the only real thing worth mentioning in the article was the Academy Awards, which he brought up twice. This was a humorous article on a pointless subject. Maybe I'll go make some popcorn.